CorpGoth Status Report: Hair

I've never considered my hair to be one of my better features. It just doesn't do what I want. My hair has been either straight or wavy, never outright curly but often frizzy. I was born with super-dark, almost naturally black hair, and I've colored every shade of red, pink, and purple you can get into hair that dark. Of course, I've dyed my hair jet black mostly since that's the easiest shade to maintain. I've always worn my hair to at least shoulder length and usually longer, and any deviation has been horrible. My hair and I have maintained a state of somewhat peaceful coexistence over the years; I try not to abuse it too severely, and it tries not to make me look too terrible in photographs.

February 2013

So the prospect of losing all my hair during chemo didn't seem like that big of a deal at first. Since I've never been particularly happy with my hair, if it has to go, it goes. And it'll just grow back, it always does, no matter what it suffers.

Thus, in September 2013, during my first round of chemo for breast cancer, all my hair fell out. That was not particular traumatic, especially in light of all the other millions of ways I felt terrible because of chemo.

September 2013

After a while though, I started to feel ugly and old without hair. I could only get that glamorized "bald is beautiful" look if I put on a ton of makeup and wore earrings. When I woke up in the morning and looked in the bathroom mirror, a weird little old man looked back at me. I didn't recognize myself.

Of course, I wore hats and wigs, I'd stocked up in advance. The best was my punky pink-streaked wig that even my most conservative office finally accepted.

June 2014

But as my own hair grew back, wearing a wig became hot and itchy, especially through summer. Finally, in August 2014, my hair was long enough to not look horrific IMO at work without a wig.

August 2014

Growing out my hair from absolutely nothing to mid-back length is going to take longer than I realized. That's been pretty damn depressing and frustrating at times. My hair today is still shorter than I've ever cut it on purpose (aside from shaving one side or the back during college; even then, I always left part of it long). The texture is the cliche "chemo curls" -- coarser and frizzier than it used to be. Sometimes, with a whole lot of hair products, I can get this to look like I have genuinely curly hair (as I did for Halloween 2014 when I dressed up as Betty Boop). But most days, I try to tame the frizz into waves or straight hair.

May 2015

I guess my hair is as long as a ragged pixie cut now. It's not long enough to be a bob yet. I haven't gotten a haircut since it fell out -- I'm waiting for a little more growth so I can get a cut with some sort of style. Not that I have any clue how this could be styled. That's been my problem, I can't figure out how to style short hair. There's not much to work with.

I still don't really see me when I look in the mirror. My face is in there somewhere, but I don't look right. Someday *sigh*

Want to share a status report for May about hair?

1. Post to your blog between Monday, May 18 to Wednesday, May 20.
   
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CorpGoth Status Report: Hair

Subject: How do you style your hair for the workday? Do you have a go-to 'do in the mornings? Are you required to tone it down for your office or does anything go in terms of color and cut? Share pix of your hairstyle or even give a tutorial in this month's report.

Due Date: Monday, May 18 to Wednesday, May20

How to File Your Report:

1. Post to your blog on or around the due dates.

2. Include the following code in your post so the This Is CorpGoth Mid-Month Status Report graphic will display (if you're using Blogger or WordPress, switch to the 'HTML post' setting & then paste this code in):

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3. Comment on my Monday the 16th post including your blog link.

4. Read everyone else's reports via their links in the comments!

Wednesday Wondering: Retro Style

Prompt: If you could bring back certain fashions or hairstyles that are no longer in style, what would they be? Why do you want to revive them?

I'd bring back more elaborate hairstyles in general -- long and styled hair for men, styled updos for women including curls, braids, and false hair. Whether beehives or poufs or towering edifices, even if just for special occasions like weddings and award shows, I'd love to see these things as more than high-fashion art pieces in the realm of Lady Gaga. 

Maybe it's because I feel so hemmed in by my lack of hair right now. I do know that I always feel more fabulous wearing a tall wig. There needs to be more casual acceptance of that in modern life!

Questions culled from the discontinued Writer's Block feature on LiveJournal.

What I'm wearing: Grey & white stripe cardigan, Forever 21 | Black ruffle-front sleeveless top, Macy's | Grey corduroy skirt, Newport News | Black leather belt, Macy's | Black tights, Calvin Klein | Black heeled lace-up boots, Aerosoles | Silver sugar-skull earrings, random accessory store

Off With the Wig

About one month before the one-year anniversary of starting chemo (so maybe 6 weeks before the 1st anniversary of my hair actually falling out), I finally stopped wearing a wig to work. I'm not really happy with this short hair, but Silicon Valley was experiencing a heat wave, plus my office's air-conditioning broke. And I just wasn't willing to swelter anymore!

I've always been a long-haired girl. I had some terribly unattractive short haircuts as a kid, and that scared me off. Sure, I shaved half my head in my college punk/hardcore goth days, but I left the other side of my head with long locks for an asymmetrical 'do. I've never wanted a pixie cut, never been tempted by any Vidal Sassoon short styles. Yet here I am, forced into that by cancer. Thanks a lot :-/

Short hair is much harder to style than long hair. Especially my fine hair with quite a bit of curl. It tends to look cow-licky or like crazy chicken feathers, unless I really work at it. I need to experiment more with waxes and pomades. I also need to go to a stylist and get a proper cut and color. It's on my to-do list!

What I'm wearing: Black T-shirt with lace top, H&M | Black & white stripe skirt, Black House White Market | Black slingbacks, Payless Shoe Source | Silver book locket necklace, random accessory store | Silver skull earrings, random accessory store

Red & Black Vegas Drag Race Recap

I didn't plan this as a part of Red & Black Week, but it fits! A few weeks ago, I did something kind of crazy: I went by myself to the viewing party for RuPaul's Drag Race Season 6 season finale in Las Vegas, where America's Next Drag Superstar #6 was announced.

I left work early for a 2pm flight, checked in at my hotel by 4pm, changed clothes, walked across the street to the party at 5pm, stood in line for an hour to get in, then stayed at the party (standing around in high heels for another 5 hours, ouch), watched the TV show & the live drag show there, walked back across the street, grabbed a burger & a beer to take back to my room, ate a belated dinner, got to sleep by about 1am, got up & to the taxi stand by 5am for a 6am flight back, got a latte at Starbucks at the airport at home while waiting for my ride to work at 7:45am, & was back at the office by 8:30am the next morning, stashing my little roller-bag luggage under my desk. Nobody knew!

What I'm wearing: Black & red flocked floral halter dress, bought in Camden Market, London | Black spiderweb tights, unknown brand | Black ribbon-tie pumps, Clarks | Giant drag-queen wig, eBay | Tiara, gift from my husband | Red flower hair pin, random accessory store | Black beaded necklace, random accessory store | Rhinestone & faux jet bracelets, random accessory store | Faux diamond rings, random accessory store | Black vinyl bat purse, gift from a former coworker

Bianca Del Rio, the winner!

Hair Subterfuge

I must admit, I only wore this wig for the morning blog photo. It just went so perfectly with the outfit! But I wore this ensemble within the first week at my new job, & I didn't want to freak everyone out by showing up with different hair *that* fast.

Sure, it's easy enough to Google me, find this blog, & read all about my cancer & see my bald head, much the less my different wigs. But it's still a little odd to show up with crazy hair after just meeting someone.

At some point in, hopefully, the next few months, my real hair will be long enough that I can go without a wig at all. It's about an inch long right now, so maybe by the end of summer I'll have enough hair for a proper pixie cut.

That will be enough of a shock for people -- going into the office one week with a long or bobbed wig & then coming in the next week with a pixie cut. I'll answer all the questions then honestly, but right now, just starting out, I'd rather leave it be.

What I'm wearing: Black & white floral sweater, White House Black Market | Black ruffled knit sleeveless top, Macy's | Dark pink skirt, NY & Company | Black tights, Calvin Klein | Black & white stripe T-strap flats, Nine West | Black with pink crystal dangly earrings, random accessory store

Thankful

I have a lot of people to thank this year. Firstly, of course, my husband, who has been with me every step of the way through this stupid cancer, as patient as he could be, putting up with me on my worst days. I'm also infinitely thankful for my mom & step-dad, my husband's dad & step-mom, his mom & step-dad, & our extended family, who've all been super-supportive in every way.

I'm incredibly thankful for my friends, both local & spread around the world. The ones nearby have kept my hubby & I fed with home-cooked dinners & dropped by with chocolate & visited when I felt up to it. Many have sent funny cards & cute trinkets that really, honestly brightened my days.

I'm also thankful for my wider community -- including everyone here who reads & comments on this blog & my costume site. I'm awed & humbled by the support you've shown, through your messages, cards, gifts, donations, & buying stuff from my garage sale. Cancer is dark & depressing, but hearing from each of you has helped me through this immeasurably. I'm sorry if I haven't replied to each of you, but please know that every email, every comment, every card, every donation, every way you reached out to me has meant a lot to me & truly helped me get through the long, tedious days of recovering from chemo treatments.

I have to call out people by name -- thanks to all who've donated, thank you Lisa, Loren, Mary, Michele, Maureen, Irina, Sandra, Cathy, Lynne, Lori, Lyndsay, Mary, Paula, Sharon, Stephani, Emily, Sharon, Deborah, Merja, Chris, Elisabethe, Heather, Jennifer, Katherine, Franny, Kendra, Molly, Rachel, Shawna, Nicole, Tony, Vera, Katherine, Maggie, Amy, David, Elizabeth, Historic Costume Patterns, C., Jean, Julie, Kathryn, Michelle, Aisha, Aubry, Jonatha, Agnes, Alexandra, Angela, Carly, Jennifer, Josie, Sarah, Susanna, Alison, Ann, Cassidy, Cat's Meow Textiles, G., Julia, Laura, Katie, & Maria. And thanks to everyone who sent meals, gifts, & cards, thank you Sarah, Cynthia, Travlyn, Maryanne, Joyce, Tish, Noel, Carole, Linda, Rhawnie, Elisa, Melissa, Sahyre, Maggie, Wendi, Kelly, Doris, Mark, Kendra, Francis, Deb, Emily, Margaret, Cathyn, John, Leia, Jen, Liz, Laina, Radar, Leia, Kat, Truly, Franny, Beth, & Patricia. I couldn't have made it this far without all of you behind me!

I'm thankful for my doctors too, glad that my primary doctor acted fast when I discovered a lump in my breast & very glad she referred me to such an excellent surgeon & oncologist. I'm thankful that each of my specialists took time & care to explain my options & all the parts of my treatment. I'm deeply thankful for all the nurses too, especially at my oncologist's office, where the nursing staff made the chemo treatments more bearable with kindness, gentleness, patience, & good humor. I may have sucky, expensive private insurance (until blessed ObamaCare takes over on January 1 :), but at least my medical professionals are top notch!

Lastly, I'm thankful that I'm two-thirds of the way finished with treatment, & what should be the hardest part is over. Radiation starts the first week of December & is supposed to have far fewer & more milder of side effects than chemo. And when *that* is over, we're going to DisneyLand to celebrate! So I'm thankful I can look forward to that too :)

What I'm wearing:
Black & burgundy wig, gift from Sarah
Burgundy peplum sweater, gift from Sarah
Black T-shirt, Target
Black & white stripe skirt, White House | Black Market
Black tights, Calvin Klein
Black leather boots, Clarks
Beaded necklace, gift from Lisa
Silver & black teardrop earrings, random accessory store

Last Chemo Dance & Happy Halloween

Halloween Day was my last chemo treatment -- of course I was going to dress up! But I had some constraints, in that I couldn't wear long sleeves or tight upper sleeves because of the blood draw, blood pressure check, & the infusion itself. So I scoured my costume closet & realized I had this great big ballgown with a halter-style top. Luckily, it's pink & went with the pink ribbon "breast cancer" tiara I'd bought a few months earlier.

Many of the nurses at the clinic were dressed in costume, & everyone loved my "Drag Queen Cancer Princess" outfit. They even took a picture for their breakroom photo wall. And my husband documented the day & posted on Facebook.

Now, it's just a few weeks of side effects & recover, then I start radiation, which is much more targeted & supposed to have far more mild side effects -- so I can go back to work & hopefully have a more normal life again! Really looking forward to that.

What I'm wearing:
Pink silk dupioni 1950s-style ballgown, made by Donna | Full petticoat underneath, thriftstore | Black drag-queen wig, eBay | Pink ribbon tiara, Etsy | Black tights, Calvin Klein | Black ribbon-tie pumps, Clark's | Black lace, pearl, & chain choker, bought at Convergence | Black with pink crystal earrings, random accessory store | Pewter woman symbol stud earring, bought on the street in Berkeley | Ying/yang stud earring, bought on the street in Berkeley | Pewter peace symbol earring, bought on the street in Berkeley | Black gloves, vintage | Black faux-fur cape (worn in treatment chair), vintage

Selfie on the ride to the clinic

Checking in at the office

Waiting with my sweetie, he's been there every step of the way!

Super cool medical assistant Jordan checking my vitals

My excellent oncologist Dr. Mann checks my progress

Sitting in the chair before getting the last infusion

Scarf Time

Originally, I thought scarves & turbans were too "cancer patient" looking for me. Well, they are, but I now see the value of wearing them anyway. This style of head covering is easy to wear once it's on (tho' it can be fussy to adjust to look good), & they can be comfortable. Besides, scarves/turbans mix up the look. Sometimes, I don't care if I look like a cancer patient -- it's the truth, I own it.

I made this one from a fabric scrap a friend gave me. I was trying to copy a fitted scarf that I got on Etsy, since I liked the style & just wanted variety. Sewing stretch fabrics isn't my favorite thing to do, but the project only had a few darts to give the cap shape. I'm going to make more since other friends have donated stretch fabrics, & I'll be bald for quite a while longer.

What I'm Wearing:

Black & white knit scarf, made by me

Black & white stripe "Paris" T-shirt, bought in Paris, France

Silver filigree earrings, Target

Red lipstick, Sephora house brand

Pirate With a Touch of Cancer

My second of four chemo treatments fell on Talk Like a Pirate Day, so I decided to wear a cute little pink tricorn (that went quite well with my black & pink wig), plus a pirate-y hitched-up skirt & a lot of skull jewelry. Gotta look good to feel good!

Now I have to plan themes for the next two treatments. The last one falls on Halloween day, so of course I have to go extra spooky & outrageous. But no idea what to do for the middle one. Hopefully I'll get inspired in the next few weeks.

What I'm wearing:
Black crinkle skirt, Rampage | Black ruffled tank top, Newport News | Black tights, Calvin Klein | Pink & black stripe shoes, Sugar | Black & pink wig, Miss Violet Lace | Pink silk tricorn, The Ruby Raven | Painted skull pendant on black velvet ribbon, Jewels by Olivia | Dangly "F#@K CANCER" earrings, made by me | Pewter woman symbol stud earring, bought on the street in Berkeley | Ying/yang stud earring, bought on the street in Berkeley | Pewter peace symbol earring, bought on the street in Berkeley | Skull bracelets, gift from my mom | Black & gunmetal cocktail ring, random accessory store

 

And There It Goes

In my last post, I said my hair was going. Well, I didn't lie. That short cut was merely a stop-gap measure, a way to preserve the long ponytails for later, at best. Hair was falling out like crazy, shedding like a long-haired dog in summer, making a mess & just generally being annoying.

So I had to shave it off. Or, to be more accurate, I asked my dear husband to shave it off, since I couldn't reach everywhere, plus I'd have had to do it without my glasses on & that way lies madness. He was very brave & did an excellent job. Now my head is all velvety stubble, which the cat enjoys rubbing his little face against.

I've also been wearing my wig out & about. It feels fine, as comfortable as wearing a wig over hair (tho' different, kind of prickly at first, then it's pleasantly cooler than wigs used to feel). However, I should remember to do my brows because the wig's black hair is even darker than my natural black hair. That is, while I still have brows!

Since I'm not working & am on disability, I've revived my virtual garage sale & added some things I made & others made specifically to sell, plus I tried to get better pictures of some older items. Just doing this in the few days I had when I felt OK, & I'll only be able to ship once a week. But please take a look & I hope you'll find something you like! Or you can always donate a little something via the button on the left sidebar. I really appreciate your support :)

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Right on schedule, my hair has started to come out due to chemo. It's like normal hair shedding when you brush your hair, except TONS more. So to make it it a little easier, I finally got a haircut. Also, I really wanted to save some lengths of my hair to use later to either make into historical hairpieces or rats (don't laugh, real hair makes the best, most expensive wigs & pieces! it's a hot commodity :).

I expect the rest of my hair will fall out in the next week or so. It's going pretty fast now. My second (of four) chemo treatments is in a week, & that will surely kill the rest of the hair. I'm not finding it particularly traumatic, but it does look kind of creepy & weird to see so much of my own hair coming out so fast, all at once. It's definitely not normal. I may get tired of the shedding & just shave it off like a lot of women do.

My energy levels are unfortunately quite shot. I can't use the computer for very long in one sitting, so I made the tough decision to stop working during chemo. No more office fashions for a couple months, but I'll keep posting when I can.

What I'm wearing:
White David Bowie T-shirt, Hot Topic
Silver Dia de los Meurtos skull earrings, Torrid
Makeup Forever red lipstick
Benefit Bad Girl black eyeliner

what was cut off!

CorpGoth Plans for Chemo

2009, my last short haircut

When the pathology report came in for my breast cancer, it became pretty clear that chemotherapy would be part of my treatment. This was not a huge surprise -- my oncologist discussed all the possible treatments & suggested that chemotherapy might be recommended due to the initial biopsy report, plus since I'm younger (44 years old), it's often better to be more aggressive with treatment to prevent recurrence. Also, younger patients are better able to withstand the side effects of chemo. Another factor is that I'm happily childfree & not concerned with any effect chemo might have on my fertility (the drugs can trigger early menopause, sometimes temporary, sometimes not).

Thus, I'm now scheduled to start chemo at the end of August. There will be four treatments, three weeks apart. Many of the side effects can be managed with additional medications -- as my doctor said, 'the days of people vomiting constantly from chemo should be over.' But I can expect to feel a bit icky for a few days each cycle.

1988, sides shaved,
plus a head tie & lots of AquaNet

The side effect I really want to talk about here, tho', is hair loss. There's no effective way to prevent that, & most every chemo treatment (including mine) does cause it. I can expect to start losing hair from my head & elsewhere perhaps the 12th through 16th day after the first treatment, & that will continue until treatments are over. Hair won't start growing back until after chemo is done.

At first I figured, no big deal, I love wigs! For that matter, in college, I used to shave parts of my head, not quite a mowhawk, but the sides up to my ears & under the back. And one of my college roommates did have a buzzcut. So I know how to use an electric clipper.

2013, my most "natural" wig
with a tiara at Costume College

But then I realized, dang, it takes a long time for hair to grow. When I've had my hair cut into a bob, it'd take a few months to grow out to shoulder length. So I imagine it'd take a year or more to grow from nothing to around shoulder length. That means that if I've lost all of my hair by November of this year, I won't have anything faintly resembling my current hair back until Christmas of next year, if not far after!

Geez. A whole year of wigs & hats & short hair. That's a lot less fun. I've always tended to have longer hair -- I'm a hippie at heart, & I don't get too many short haircuts. I had to hunt around to find the one I used for this post (& notice how all my usual blog posts show long hair). Oh well.

wig I want on eBay!

Instead of wailing & gnashing my teeth, I'm still going to make the best of it. First up: Buy cool wigs! Now's the time to go for colors I can't easily get with my naturally almost-black hair. Purple, burgundy, pink! I already have one black wig that could pass for my normal hair if I need to tone it down for a work meeting. But otherwise, I'm gonna rock the gothic-punk hair while I can.

Next, fun hats! Everywhere I've read about chemo, people say they get tired of wearing wigs (plus, the scalp can be tender at first) & enjoy either going bald sometimes or wearing soft caps.

kitty cap I want on Etsy!

Since I'll be bald during winter, I'll get cold & need hats. So I'll need soft caps for during & right after treatment & more variety of hats later. I like making hats, so maybe I'll design something spiffy for myself too. I posted a bunch of ideas on my costume website with free sewing patterns -- if anyone wants to help sew one for me, let me know :).

Another fun upside: I won't have to go get my brows plucked & waxed (I'm terrible at beating those fuzzy caterpillars into submission), & I'll finally be able to draw them in with cool goth styles.

wig on Etsy I want!

Making lemonade out of lemons. What else can I do?

Red & Black Week: 18th Century Redingote

Finally, my piece de la resistance for Red & Black Week, my stripey redingote. Properly, a redingote is an 18th-century French woman's gown based on an English man's riding habit. I made this one in a not perfectly historical fashion, but took liberties in the cut & materials to suit my gothic aesthetic.

I found this black & red striped rayon fabric in the L.A. garment district at least 5 years ago & have been plotting something like this costume for quite a while. It's very loosely based on period fashion plates that show this style of single-breasted button-front bodice with a broad collar & buttoned cuffs. I designed the collar & cuffs with a batwing shape in black velvet hand-edged in black silk.

Ideally, I'd be wearing a large, tall hat too, but since this outfit was first worn on my recent France trip, I couldn't make it in time nor carry another item with me!

What I'm wearing (all made by me except where noted):
Black & red striped redingote with velvet collar & cuffs & vintage velvet buttons
Black silk fichu
Black silk petticoat
White satin under-petticoat
White twill bum pad
Black corset, made by Sarah
White cotton shift
Black stockings, Target
Black buckled shoes, Fugawee
"Hedgehog" style hairpiece
Jet earrings, random accessory store
Gunmetal & jet ring, random accessory store
Faux ruby ring, gift from Sarah
Black lace fan, eBayBlack velvet mouche (beauty patch)
Red lipstick, Sephora

More about how I made this outfit on my costume website here.