Three Positive Things for Monday

Spread the love -- write out three positive things right now. No judging, don't think too hard about it...

For me

1. My husband and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary this weekend! We had a wonderful time together, just what we wanted.

2. Our three kittens turned nine months old, but they're still just little adorable babies.

3. I got a great manicure and pedicure (first one of spring/summer season) after this photo.

What's up with you?

What I'm wearing: Black knit military-style jacket, Macy's | Black T-shirt, Target | Black embellished skirt, thrift-store w/additions by me | Black tights, Calvin Klein | Black boots, Aldo | Silver key necklace, gift from my husband | Silver-grey skull earrings, Walgreens

The Professor's Homework Assignment: Fur Babies

Since I recently added kittens back into my life, how could I resist The Professor's latest homework??? After the passing of my baby boy Toulouse earlier this year and our beautiful Melusine the year before, my husband and I were almost desperate to have the pitter-patter of kitty feet in our home again. And Bellatrix, Hermione, and Luna are freakin' adorable and wonderful and cute as pie! They're sweet-natured with us and visitors, and they're litter-mates so they like each other. We love the heck out of them.

Hermione & Luna in the mail basket.

Bellatrix in the sewing room.

Hermione playing with a mouse toy.

Me with a Bella 'stash.

CorpGoth Status Report: My Commute

This month's status report is about your commute, whether to work or school, whether it's across town or across the room. I hope you share a little something about how you start or end your day, what you see or what you wear! Post between now and Wednesday the 19th.

As I've mentioned before, I don't drive, which is pretty freakish for a Californian. I consider it analogous to someone who's a vegan (note: I'm a happy meat-eater). I don't drive, it's just a part of who I am, it's a preference, it's a philosophical stance, it's a lot of things, but it's not changing. Much as a vegan doesn't just grow out of it or something, I'm not going to suddenly start driving one day.

Thus, my commute to work is always a little bit complicated. I have to plan in advance. Then again, like vegetarians in a meat-eating world, this non-driver in a car-centric world is used to it. My current job is about 15 miles away, which can be a 20- or 30-minute drive. But thanks to Silicon Valley's weak public transit system, it takes at least 45 minutes on the most-efficient light rail route for me to get to work -- IF my husband drives me to the train station, PLUS a three-block walk to my office. Oh well.

I make the most of my time by bringing both my iPod and my iPad so I can either listen to podcasts or surf the web, checking in on email and social media before I get to work. I read through my favorite blogs and often compose a few blog posts for CorpGoth and Frock Flicks on the train to or from work. It's not the most ergonomic setup for computer use, but at least I can get stuff done. I have a feeling I may be doing some sewing on the train soon, due to upcoming projects. Any way to use the time!

At least the light rail is relatively uncrowded most days, and it runs on time. And it's not far from my office. Oddly enough, there's this life-size bronze statue, pictured here, near the waiting area at the station near my office. It's of two children riding an crocodile, one kid holding a parasol. Why? No idea! There's no marker, no indication of the artist or the piece's name or date. I presume it was added when the station was built. I walk past this almost every day and can't help but smile.

What I'm wearing: Dark grey pinstripe dress, made by Donna | Black cardigan, Macy's | Black cat-print scarf, Etsy | Black kitten-heel shoes, Aldo | Black tights, Calvin Klein | Silver & pearl earrings, vintage from my grandmother

Cat-Suit

No, not one of those cat-suits -- totally wouldn't be work-appropriate and you wouldn't really want to see me in that anyway. But this outfit is a little suit-like and it has cats. Because my husband and I finally got kittens after a hiatus that felt too long (but was really just long enough since we had some house projects to finish up first).

We adopted three, female, 2.5-month-old liter-mates from the local shelter, and they are freakin' adorable! My chances of getting anything done outside of work have gone down by at least 80% but my overall happiness has gone up by at least 120%. Fair trade.

The black one is Bellatrix, the stripey one is Hermione, and the stripey one with ear tufts is Luna. No, their names were not at all inspired by our recent trip to the Wizarding Worlds of Harry Potter at Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida. Nope, not at all :) Let's face it, we're geeks, and these three are cute little witches who've cast a sweet spell on us.

What I'm wearing: Black piped jacket, Speigel | Black T-shirt, Old Navy | Black, white, & pink cat-print skirt, Etsy | Black tights, Calvin Klein | Black perforated d'orsay flats, Target | Black & white beaded necklace, made by me | Silver hoop earrings, random accessory store

Friday Five - Nom Nom Nom

1. Do you or someone you live with cook your own meals at home or tend to buy frozen dinners/eat out?
Hah. If you look inside my fridge, you'd think that my husband & I live like two male, possibly gay, bachelors -- we have beer, old condiments, Lean Cuisines, & an air of desperation in there. We eat too much takeout food, punctuated by the aforementioned frozen food. When I remember to, I'll make a meal like pasta or chicken.

2. What is your favorite dish to cook? Or if you don't cook, what do you wish you could cook?
When I bother, I make a pretty lovely wine reduction sauce with chicken & pair it roast veggies. I *wish* I could make one of the delightful 3- or 4-course meals my BFF's sig.other treats us to whenever I'm at their place.

3. The best experience you've ever had at a restaurant?
Hard to say - the best experiences tend to be more about who I'm with & the restaurant being a good backdrop. There aren't any pure food experiences that stand out (hence, I'm no foodie). My very favorite foods are all homemade, usually by mom or her side of the family.

4. The worst experience you've ever had at a restaurant?
Gah, so many. I attract bad service or things like the restaurant being out of whatever it is I've ordered (esp. if I had my heart set on it). But the classically worst would be the restaurant at the SCA 12th Night 2009 hotel out in the middle of nowhere where they would.not.serve anyone. OMG.

5. If you had to give up one of your favorite foods for the rest of your life, which would you choose and why?
UGH. That was chemo. At one point, I couldn't drink coffee because it hurt my stomach, & that made me cry. I already couldn't drink alcohol because it made me feel icky. Thank goodness the only thing that *did* taste OK during chemo was chocolate -- I ate pounds of it. If I couldn't have had that as well, geez, I'd have given up.

Questions culled from The Friday Five on LiveJournal.

What I'm wearing: Black knit dress, Target | Black & white stripe knit jacket, Neiman-Marcus | Black leggings, American Apparel | Black socks, unknown brand | Black & white cat-print wedge sneakers, PlasticLand | Black glass bead necklace with Murano glass heart medallion, made by me | Silver hoop earrings, random accessory store

The Visiting Cats

While my house is currently cat-less, we do have feline visitors. For most of the time we've lived here, our backyard has been adopted by the neighborhood cats. Probably because our cats have always been indoor-only. Well, there are two cats who  particularly enjoy hanging out in our backyard -- this black tomcat who actually lives across the street and is called Negrito, and his girlfriend, a Siamese.

The girlcat is a bit skittish and runs away when I bring out the tripod to take my blog photos, but recently Negrito has tried to photo-bomb me. So this morning, I let him get into the picture. You can't tell, but he's pretty scruffy from his wild outdoor life, especially since he gets into a lot of fights. He's sweet to people but not other cats.

We're waiting until after a few short trips away before we get our "real" cats for indoors. We want kittens again, so we'll have a good long time with the cats. So hopefully this fall. A house without cats or any pets isn't really a home.

What I'm wearing: Grey & white striped hooded sweater, Forever 21 | Black T-shirt, Target | Black & white stripe maxi skirt, Nordstrom | Silver-grey wedges, Anne Klein | Silver fishes necklace, Ann d'Aboise | Pewter key earrings, made by me

Cat-Less

We are a house without any cats.

Last month, our dear tabby boy Toulouse passed away after suffering from cancer of the jaw for nearly three months.  He was 14 years old. He was my baby, my little tiger, the cuddliest cat I've ever known. He loved snuggling & head-bonking & kisses, & he slept curled up in the crook of my left arm more nights than not.

He died a little over a year after our beautiful girl cat Melusine, the aloof & elegant Maine Coon, passed away after 16 years with us.

It's weird not having a cat in the house. Every time I open the house door, I expect to be greeting by one or two little furry faces. Every time I open a closet door, I expect to have to shoo away cat paws who want to get into the closet & nestle in among my clothes. There's no warm lump of cat at my feet in the bed, & there's no sound of little claws tapping on the hardwood floors around the house.

My husband & I have talked, & yes, we will get cats again. We want to do some home improvements first, plus we'll be out of town & have to plan around that. In the meantime, the house feels strangely empty.

What I'm wearing: Black T-shirt, Target | Black, brown, & white Ikat striped knit skirt, Kohl's | Black tights, Calvin Klein | Silver-grey wedge heels, Anne Klein | Black & cream cat-print scarf, gift from my husband | Pewter key earrings, made by me

Toulouse

CorpGoth Status Report: My Little Cubicle

This month's theme is Desk Decor. Since I started a new job a few months ago, I've been slowly decorating my tiny workspace. There isn't much to it -- just a slightly open cubicle area with a computer, phone, filing cabinet, & whiteboard. The walls aren't full height, so I don't have a lot of space to post artwork.

But since I spend 40 hours a week there, I need to customize my work space somehow. I brought in a selection of framed photos of my husband & me (including a wedding photo), friends at costumed events, & my dear little kitties. For practicality with a little pizazz, I have a black coffee cup etched with a big skull & the words "Carpe Java," plus a refillable water bottle.

What does your office, cubicle, desk, or work space look like? How have you decorated it? Post on your blog, add the Status Report code, then share the link in comments below, any time this week!

Monday MemeDay: How Things Have Changed & Have Not

If you could meet your 16-year-old self right now, what 5 things would she find most surprising about your life?

1. You work on a computer all day. Yes, that lame, complicated thing Mom & her new geeky boyfriend played with all the time (btw, they got married & it's great). Computers are really big now -- I mean, they're important, but the actual box is really small. And they're easy to use, thanks to the Macintosh (remember the Superbowl commercial last year? it all comes true! well, kind of. not so much the computer, but the iPod. Wait for it). And that dumb typing class you took in freshman year will come in *really* handy, but no, it's not just for secretaries. You *will* be a writer someday in some way, no surprise there.

2. You watch hockey now. Yes, that thing you think only happens every 4 years at the Olympics (btw, Olympics? every 2 years now, alternating summer & winter, weird, huh), it's not just Russia vs. USA anymore (btw, no more Commie Russians either, not like back then). Hockey is in your own hometown, & you like it, when it doesn't piss you off.

3. You married a man. Go figure! But he's a sensitive new-age guy, so it's OK. And you're not some Stepford Wife, so don't freak out.

4. You bought a house in your hometown. Nope, not your college town, not that hip-seeming place with the orange bridge either, & not some exotic foreign land. You'll realize that the infamous "there" really is here.

5. I'm sorry to say, you haven't held political office. You haven't even run for one. But you have voted in every single election since you turned 18, you've participated in rallies & protests, you helped shut down the Bay Bridge to protest the 1st Gulf War (eep, sorry! yeah, we have 2 of 'em, plus even worse in Iraq & Afghanistan; you protested that too), you've volunteered on political campaigns & for the Democratic Party, & you've written a boatload of letters to your state & federal reps over the years, plus you gave money during campaigns whenever possible. So you're still involved in the process. Btw, there's a black Democrat as President, & a Democratic woman has run once & has a good shot at winning next time. Can you imagine that? Heh, you probably thought it would have happened sooner, my little idealist younger me!

What 5 things would your 16-year-old self NOT be surprised by in your life right now?

1. You still dress up in funny clothes & your motto could still be "nobody every said I had taste." If people wanted to, they could still call you Fucking Gypsy Poseur (tho' they wouldn't know the exact provenance, & frankly, you'll forget it offhand anyway). You're still sewing & crafting & thrifting strange things to wear, bigger & better even. And you still have plenty of lazy days wear you roll out of bed & where all-black because it's easy.

2. You still write in a journal constantly. It's online now (don't ask me to explain what that means 'cept it has to do with those computers I mentioned before; just trust me). You will scribble on anything, anywhere, all the time, same as ever. Only now, your crappy handwriting doesn't matter, yay!

3. You still laugh really loudly. And a lot. You make anything into a joke when possible, usually bad ones, which might explain why the comedy troupe didn't work out (sorry!). But the humor is always essential, crucial, & found in everything.

4. Despite said humor, you will continue to be depressed. You'll find ways to cope (thank the gods, it's a medical thing, not a personality defect), but it will be a constant companion, a dark shadow in the wings of your life.

5. You've seen the world. You always knew you would somehow. Didn't know how it would happen, didn't know what parts of the world you'd make it to or when, but you just knew you'd go Out There. Well you did. Every single continent including Antarctica (OK, that one may surprise you ;-), & you are still going!

What I'm wearing:  Black knit top with 3D roses, Newport News | White & black & pink cat-print skirt, Etsy | Black tights, Calvin Klein | Black flats, Aerosoles | Gunmetal hoop earrings, random accessory store

Friday Five: Workin' Girl

1. What job do you have and why do you like/hate it?
I'm a writer & editor for an ecommerce website. Since I started recently, I can't say too much about like/hate yet -- I like the job so far, good people, challenging tasks. I'm not thrilled that I can't work from home like I used to tho'.

2. What did you want to be when you "grew up" as a kid?
When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a stewardess for National Airlines. Not a "flight attendant," that didn't exist yet. And National was the only airline that flew direct from the SF Bay Area to Pensacola, Florida, where my grandparents lived. At some point I discovered you have to be a certain height to be a stewardess, which busted my dreams right there.

3. Is the job you have now, anything like what you imagined as a kid?
Considering the Web didn't exist when I was a kid, no. But when I was a teenager, I thought, hey, it might be cool to write for newspapers & magazines (bec. I knew I hated writing fiction), so this kinda comes close.

4. Do you have a 5 year career plan?
No. I have a points in the past, & they didn't pan out like I wanted. So I'm keeping my options open for now.

5. What's your dream job?
At this point in my life, I'm not sure what my "dream job" is, if it exists in reality, or if it's simply not having a job & being able to volunteer for things that matter to me without worrying about money at all. I'd love to study & research historical topics for a few months, then work with children's theater, then work at an animal shelter, then start all over again, all while writing & publishing quirky blogs. That'd be pretty dreamy.

Questions culled from The Friday Five on LiveJournal.

What I'm wearing: Blue knit dress, Ruche | Black camisole, Old Navy | Dark grey denim blazer with belled cuffs, Newport News | Black & white cat-print scarf, gift from my husband | Black tights, Calvin Klein | Black buckled wedge shoes, Kohl's | Silver medallion earrings, random accessory store

Dinner With the Family

One of the most common side effects of chemo (other than hair loss) is changes to the taste buds. It can be mild or make everything taste like cardboard. I've been lucky in that I've mostly had a sensation of burnt tongue, like when you drink too-hot coffee, so everything tastes off or a little more dull. Some things taste distinctly weird, like citrus tastes bitter. Luckily, the one thing that tastes normal is my favorite milk chocolate, so yeah, I've indulged some!

Recently, I went out to dinner at an Afghani restaurant with my parents & some old family friends (& this is what I wore). The food was great! I could taste everything pretty well -- something about those favors were just right even to my burnt tongue. So nice.

The bad tastes have usually gone away just before the next chemo infusion. And my last one will be on Halloween -- so I'm *really* looking forward to Thanksgiving this year & being able to really taste all of my mom's great cooking!

What I'm Wearing:

White & black pinstripe jacket, Macy's

Purple T-shirt, Target

Black corduroy skirt, H&M

Black & white kitty-print wedge sneakers, PlasticLand

Black socks, unknown brand

Silver book locket necklace, random accessory store

Gunmetal dangly skull earrings, Walgreens

Sparkly skull stud earrings, random accessory store

Black & white beaded cuff bracelet, bought in Kauai

Getting Batty on Round 3

For my third of four chemo rounds, I mixed old-school with new. Classic pointy boots with bat buckles and a big sweater woven with the word "BAT" on the front and "CAT" on the back. Not exactly work appropriate, but good for kicking it around on weekends & casual days.

What I'm Wearing:
BAT / CAT sweater, Forever 21 | Black knit skirt, Target | Black tights, Calvin Klein | Black leather boots with pewter bat buckles, swapped from a friend | Black & white stripe dangle earrings, Kohl's | Pewter woman symbol stud earring, bought on the street in Berkeley | Ying/yang stud earring, bought on the street in Berkeley | Pewter peace symbol earring, bought on the street in Berkeley | Black & pink wig, Miss Violet Lace

Added bonus: Rhinestone-crusted "Fight Like a Girl" travel mug, gift from The Professor. Thanks, sweetie!!!

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night

This probably isn't the type of "special occasion" most people would commemorate, but I had to. And coincidentally, Sophistique Noir's September theme came up, so why not join in?

Because of course I had to document my first of four chemo treatments. I wanted to dress up a bit, comfortable but gothy, not going to wear sloppy PJs or anything too lazy. I needed to look as good as I could to take on this thing.

Plus I incorporated some powerful symbols -- cat-print shoes for my kitty loves (past & present), a locket with a photo of me getting my literature degree from U.C. Berkeley (an important accomplishment in my life), key earrings I made (keys are a lucky symbol, opening doors, keys to success), a peace symbol stud earring (for my hippie past & pacifist nature), a ying-yang earring stud (for balance in life), & a female symbol earring (for the feminine power within). Also, my fave. lipstick evar & stripes because. they rock :)

What I'm wearing:
Black knit dress, Target
Black wool ruffled bolero sweater, Kohls
Black corset-style elastic belt, Torrid
Black & white vertically striped leggings, Torrid
Black & white cat-print wedge sneakers, PlasticLand
Black socks, unknown brand
Silver locket necklace, vintage
Pewter key earrings, made by me
Black & white flower hair pin, random accessory store
Chanel Vamp lipstick

Dylan Thomas --

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Selfie in the chemo chair -- so far, so good!

Crochet With Cats

But not in a granny, old-fashioned way, I hope. These crochet stockings are good for summer because they're airy so therefore comfortable in the heat while getting to & from the office, but a little covered up for the indoor AC. And the cats, well, I'm just a cat person.

What I'm wearing:
Black sheath dress, Target | Black & white cat-print scarf, Etsy | Black crochet stripe tights, Nordstrom | Black pumps with buckles, Kenneth Cole | Black & gold medallion earrings, random accessory store | Gunmetal cocktail ring, gift from Kendra

 

CorpGoth Plans for Chemo

2009, my last short haircut

When the pathology report came in for my breast cancer, it became pretty clear that chemotherapy would be part of my treatment. This was not a huge surprise -- my oncologist discussed all the possible treatments & suggested that chemotherapy might be recommended due to the initial biopsy report, plus since I'm younger (44 years old), it's often better to be more aggressive with treatment to prevent recurrence. Also, younger patients are better able to withstand the side effects of chemo. Another factor is that I'm happily childfree & not concerned with any effect chemo might have on my fertility (the drugs can trigger early menopause, sometimes temporary, sometimes not).

Thus, I'm now scheduled to start chemo at the end of August. There will be four treatments, three weeks apart. Many of the side effects can be managed with additional medications -- as my doctor said, 'the days of people vomiting constantly from chemo should be over.' But I can expect to feel a bit icky for a few days each cycle.

1988, sides shaved,
plus a head tie & lots of AquaNet

The side effect I really want to talk about here, tho', is hair loss. There's no effective way to prevent that, & most every chemo treatment (including mine) does cause it. I can expect to start losing hair from my head & elsewhere perhaps the 12th through 16th day after the first treatment, & that will continue until treatments are over. Hair won't start growing back until after chemo is done.

At first I figured, no big deal, I love wigs! For that matter, in college, I used to shave parts of my head, not quite a mowhawk, but the sides up to my ears & under the back. And one of my college roommates did have a buzzcut. So I know how to use an electric clipper.

2013, my most "natural" wig
with a tiara at Costume College

But then I realized, dang, it takes a long time for hair to grow. When I've had my hair cut into a bob, it'd take a few months to grow out to shoulder length. So I imagine it'd take a year or more to grow from nothing to around shoulder length. That means that if I've lost all of my hair by November of this year, I won't have anything faintly resembling my current hair back until Christmas of next year, if not far after!

Geez. A whole year of wigs & hats & short hair. That's a lot less fun. I've always tended to have longer hair -- I'm a hippie at heart, & I don't get too many short haircuts. I had to hunt around to find the one I used for this post (& notice how all my usual blog posts show long hair). Oh well.

wig I want on eBay!

Instead of wailing & gnashing my teeth, I'm still going to make the best of it. First up: Buy cool wigs! Now's the time to go for colors I can't easily get with my naturally almost-black hair. Purple, burgundy, pink! I already have one black wig that could pass for my normal hair if I need to tone it down for a work meeting. But otherwise, I'm gonna rock the gothic-punk hair while I can.

Next, fun hats! Everywhere I've read about chemo, people say they get tired of wearing wigs (plus, the scalp can be tender at first) & enjoy either going bald sometimes or wearing soft caps.

kitty cap I want on Etsy!

Since I'll be bald during winter, I'll get cold & need hats. So I'll need soft caps for during & right after treatment & more variety of hats later. I like making hats, so maybe I'll design something spiffy for myself too. I posted a bunch of ideas on my costume website with free sewing patterns -- if anyone wants to help sew one for me, let me know :).

Another fun upside: I won't have to go get my brows plucked & waxed (I'm terrible at beating those fuzzy caterpillars into submission), & I'll finally be able to draw them in with cool goth styles.

wig on Etsy I want!

Making lemonade out of lemons. What else can I do?

Grey and Memories

Not sure when I took this outfit post (sometime in fall 2012?), but it makes me wistful because I wore a bracelet I don't wear too often. It's a charm bracelet with special photos -- pictures of things that mean a lot to me. There's one from my husband's & my wedding, there's one of the Taj Mahal to symbolize travel, & there is one of each of our cats, Toulouse & Melusine. Only ... Melusine died in February after 16 wonderful years with us.

I didn't want to post here about her passing when it happened. It was too raw to share in this, one of the few places online where I am completely public. I'd talked about it elsewhere in locked-down, friends-only spaces (even my Facebook account is friends, or at least acquaintances-only).

But slowly, I've come to let the world know that we are a one-cat household. I updated my profile on this blog, where it used to say we live in a bungalow "with two cats who hate each other" now it says "with a silly tabby cat" (yeah, they acted like they hated each other, but now that she's gone, he really seems to miss her; I suspect it was a one-way relationship).

Bracelet showing photo of Toulouse

Little things, like finding this outfit photo, remind me again. Memories of our Melly-girl will never go away, she'll always be a part of our family. And slowly, the reminders won't hurt.

What I'm wearing:
Black & grey knit dress, Coldwater Creek
Black long-sleeve knit top, Old Navy
Black elastic belt, NY & Company
Black tights, Calvin Klein
Red ankle boots, Kohls
Silver, black, rhinestone necklace, random accessory store
Silver earrings, random accessory store
Burgundy flower hair pin, random accessory store
Silver & pearl photo-charm bracelet

Melusine in 2004